LUNCHING WITH LI-LO

I like Lindsay Lohan.  There, I said it.  And I understand that it’s easy enough not to like her, what with the drunk driving and the passing out and the assaulting of an assistant at the Betty Ford Clinic and so on.  But the big thing in her favor is, she seems to really like food.

Now admittedly she doesn’t seem to like good food especially, in fact if the photographs are to be believed she appears to be a junk food addict.  And admittedly her weight goes up and down a lot, which I guess is a sign of a troubled relationship with food, but you know, it can’t be easy to eat well when you’re in and out of jail and rehab.  But the bottom line is, she essentially looks like someone with a big appetite, and who doesn’t like that in a gal?

The folks at Millions of Shakes liked it well enough that they named a shake after her, the Lindsay Shake, and according to the PR she actually “designed” it herself.  I have to say she doesn’t look entirely confident about it in the picture below.

TMZ seems to be an infinitely dubious enterprise but I couldn’t help admiring them when they revealed that turkey tetrazzini was on the menu for Lindsay’s first night behind bars at the Lynwood Correctional Facility.  They also revealed (I mean, who knew?) that inmates could use money deposited into their commissary accounts to buy junk-food gift packs that included Spam, Vanilla Creme Cookies and Cheese Curls.  Quite the home from home for Lindsay.

And since Lindsay’s been in the Betty Ford Clinic of late, I’ve been trying to find out what kind of grub they serve up there.  So far I’ve had limited success, though I did find an anonymous online “Insider’s View of the Betty Ford Clinic” which read, “The cafeteria is like everything at The Betty, clean, well run, and “not bad”. The food compares to a “souplantation” or some such mass produced mall like fare.  It was fresh and well prepared. It is as exciting as a mall court, (but) of course, you’re not there for the food.”

Of course.  And I’ve also discovered that visitors aren’t allowed to bring in any homemade food for the inmates.  It has be factory made and factory sealed.  I guess they figure that granny’s fruitcake might have a little too much rum in it.

The truth is, all Lindsay’s recent problems stem not from food, but from drink not, and they stem specifically from a couple of very public DUIs.  The fact that cocaine was found in her car both times certainly didn’t help.  Now, most grownups have at one time or another driven when they knew they shouldn’t have, and they’ve probably had something in their car that they shouldn’t have, but hell, if I was Lindsay Lohan, I’d just have a standing account with a discreet taxi company.  Either that or just get quietly wasted at home.

Anyway, I do hope the rehabilitation works and that Lindsay pulls herself together.   And if she does I hope she’ll try to eat food that’s a bit more interesting than a bag of Cheetos.  Maybe she’d like an older literary dude as a mentor.  Hey, I’m entitled to my food fantasies.