THIS 'N THAT 'N A MARTINI

 I am, of course, a fan of Bette Davis: what sentient human being isn’t?  Well, Faye Dunaway probably isn’t, but that’s a different story.

 

And it so happened that the free library in my local train station had a copy of This ’n That, a 1987 book attributed to Bette Davis and Michael Herskowitz, a second volume of autobiography that’s a sort of update and recap.  (You can find the Faye Dunaway story in there.)  So, of course I snaffled it up, not least because it contains this picture, which is very probably my favourite ever photograph of martini drinkers:

The book also contains a description of what, in other circumstances, I might have thought of as a perfect mother and daughter relationship. Bette says, ‘I would come home from the studio when B.D. (that’s the daughter, Barbara) was growing up, and from the minute I came through the door, no one spoke.  B.D. had a drink prepared for me.  I would sit down, finish the drink, and that would relax me just enough to be ready for a conversation.’

 

Sounds fine to me, though B.D. did write a couple of unflattering tell-all books about her mother, and now, as Barbara Davis Hyman, is a pastor in Charlottesville, Virginia.  Go pick the bones out of that one.

 

This ’n That also contains another very impressive martini picture of Bette drinking with Kim Carnes, of 'Bette Davis Eyes' fame.  Oh boy!

POLA VORTEX

 Say what you like about Pola Negri, but she knew how to pose with a glass:

But really, who can really compete with Bette Davis? - a glass and a shoe!

MENISCUS TEARS

(Photo not by Araki)

We’ve spoken previously about the importance of the meniscus on the martini, but the subject never gets old. If nothing else, it makes you think you’re getting your money’s worth

Below is an Instagram photograph of Grace Dent sipping a meniscus-positive martini at the Egerton House Hotel in Knightsbridge.  And kudos to all involved.

 

The Egerton menu describes it like this:

‘The Classic

‘We start with a frozen glass, chilled to 22 degrees below. A dash of vermouth first, then gin as cold as the glass. It’s poured all the way to the rim, so there’s only one way to drink it: our trademark Egerton Slurp. Trust us – it’s the only way to avoid spilling a single drop.

‘We normally finish things off with a single squeeze of lemon rind, nothing more, nothing less. Times have changed since the first martinis 130 years ago though, so if you prefer vodka to gin, we’re happy to make the switch.

‘We strongly advise one thing; whatever the spirit, treat it gently. As far as we’re concerned, our martinis are never shaken, never stirred, always perfect.’

 

When they say ’22 degrees below’ do they mean Fahrenheit or Centigrade?  I’m guessing the former but I’m not sure.  -22°F is -30°C and domestic freezers don’t go down that far but maybe industrial freezers at the Egerton do.

 

Also note the frosting on the glass in front of Grace Dent.  That’s the measure of any half-decent martini.  And you know, the movies rarely get that right. And even rarer is the meniscus.

 

Here, to pluck an example out of nowhere, is Nicolas Cage in the movie Next.

And here in Leaving Las Vegas

 

And here in Lord of War:

 

No meniscus and no frosting as far as I can see.  And of course you could say there’s no meniscus because he’s already drunk half of it. And no frosting because he’s been savouring it over a good long time.

 

But we know that’s not really the case.  It’s half empty because an overfull martini glass is hard to handle and no movie star wants to be seen  splashing gin down his or her front.    And as for the frosting, well you try to keep a glass looking frosted on the 27^th take.

Here's Bette Davis avoiding the problem by having a completely empty glass:

And below is poor dear Meryl Streep on Youtube, supposedly at home in her bathrobe singing in honour of Stephen Sondheim.  

 

She’s made the cocktail herself and she’s still only going to get half an inch of warm booze. 

And, of course, we know it's not really booze, but that applies to all the above except for Grace Dent.

You know, sometimes it seems as though Hollywood doesn’t have all the answers.

STRAIGHT, NO CHASER

And while we’re on the subject of drinking out of unusual things (such as mason jars and boob glasses), I suppose women’s shoes are by some way the most intriguing “alternative” drinking vessel. 

As these images show, the shoe has been favored by the likes of Bette Davies, Joan Rivers and Rihana, and that’s just the women.

Of course, to be effective, the drink in the shoe has to be on the small side. Drinking a pint of Heineken from a stiletto just isn’t on.  For that you’d need the boot, which is a horse of a very different color.

When I was growing up in Sheffield my uncle Jim (that’s him above), who’s been mentioned before in this blog, styled himself as quite the beer connoisseur.  He refused to drink out of anything except a “straight” beer glass, like the one below, though as you can see it wasn’t absolutely straight – it had that small, curvy bulge at the top, which made it easier to hold:

If the barman served uncle Jim his beer in anything else, say a dimple mug, he’d refuse to accept it:

I think it had may have had something to do with notions of masculinity, maybe uncle Jim thought that having a handle was effete, but I’m only guessing.  Maybe he just thought the beer tasted served better that way.  Whatever the reason, evidence suggests that President Obama (more or less) shares my uncle Jim’s prejudices.

Of course if you’re desperate enough you’ll drink anything out of anything, and maybe visitors to Roy’s Choi’s new eatery in LA, named Commissary, will have the opportunity of drinking a gin and beet juice cocktail (yeah, really), served out of something what looks like the kind of hideous plastic thing you get your drink served in on a plane.

My uncle Jim would have been horrified, and I think he’d have had a point.

CHEZ BEN, INDEED

To which the only sensible response is, "Oh no he doesn't."


On the other hand, if I want some booze endorsed by a celebrity who knows her product, I'll go with Bette Davis. 

 It also looks like a covert (actually not all that covert) endorsement for smoking.  And it's curious, isn't it, that she has a cigarette in hand, but not a drink.  Fortunately the problem was solved by the time she got together with Robert Wagner, in this ad.