PIECE BE WITH YOU

I can’t say I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about the eating habits of Sharleen Spiteri, from the band Texas, but there she is in the Observer Food Monthly telling the world, ‘Every time I come off stage, I always have a piece and crisps and a cup of tea. I call it a piece and crisps because I’m Scottish, so basically for your readers that’s a crisp sandwich. Two slices of bread, proper butter – you can’t have crappy butter – and a pack of crisps and squeeze it down. I have that everywhere apart from when we get to France. Then it’s baguettes. Because then you’re getting the good shit.’

 

Hair and makeup: Sarah Reygate. Photograph: Alex Lake/The Observer

 

I hadn’t actually heard of a ‘piece’ in this context, but good for her although later in the article she says she doesn’t like lamb or pork so that’s probably less good.

 

Naturally my mind drifts back to a story about Mark E. Smith in Stuart Maconie’s book Cider With Roadies. Maconie is in Smith’s flat after a boozy night out and Smith asks if he wants something to eat and Maconie says sure, so Smith goes into the kitchen and bangs around for twenty minutes and comes out carrying two plates of crisp sandwiches. And because Smith is a surprisingly good host, he asks Maconie, “Do you want a pickled onion with that?” 

 

You don’t have to be Scottish or a Mancunian to enjoy a crisp sandwich, below is one I made much earlier in Los Angeles: 

The eagle-eyed may spot that I used mayo rather than butter which some, including Sharleen Spiteri, would consider a mistake.

And here's another one with crisps and bacon:

 

And shortly after that I started to fantasize about the BLP sandwich.  For one blissful second I thought I’d had a really great idea, if not a money-making one. 

Whereas the BLT contains bacon, lettuce and tomato, I abandoned the tomato and replaced it with potato, and not just crisps but fried potatoes – they’d be called scallops where I come from in Yorkshire - but I’m sure there are regional variations,

 

Obviously it’s slightly time-consuming because you have to fry the bacon and the potatoes: opening a bag or crisps is a whole lot easier, but I thought it was well worth the effort.

 

It didn’t catch on but you know, I never really thought it would.