Well, I tracked down some avocados at the Tesco Metro, (I mean it wasn't exactly an expedition) and a can of lump crab (i.e the white stuff) at the Co-op – a squirt of mayo, some lemon juice, a bit of seasoning and I was ready to go all Sylvia Plath:
It tasted fine and there was no food poisoning: so win, win.
And I did a bit more avocado research. It seems they were a tough sell in Britain partly because of the name ‘avocado pear.’ People assumed that since it was called a pear you could just bite into it, like a pear. Some education was required and provided. This is Australian:
I also discovered from Alan Davidson’s Oxford Book of Food that one of the first Europeans to eat an avocado was Fernandez de Oviedo (spellings differ)
who ate it with cheese, as though it was an apple. Other Spaniards added sugar, which I suppose made it more like a pear in certain respects.