HOT HOT HOT

And speaking of hotdogs … Is there anything in the world sexier than the sight of a woman with a hotdog? 

Well yes, actually, I think there are a great many things sexier.  Nevertheless, there’s evidently something about a woman eating phallic-shaped food that does something strange, powerful and ignoble to the male spirit.  We snigger.  We think of oral sex.  We become foolish adolecents. (A woman with a banana would have much the same effect.)

So here are a few borrowed images of women chowing down on wieners, some obviously a good deal sexier than others, but they all share a kind of erotic playfulness.  You don’t take a hotdog seriously, the way you would, say, a slab of raw meat.  That would be sexy in a quite different way.  A hotdog may be smutty, but somehow it doesn’t really mean it.

And the fact is, sometimes eating hotdogs may not actually be all that sexy at all.  To prove it here (below) is Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, the most famous of all female competitive eaters, seen in mid-swallow at a Nathan’s hotdog eating contest, which in fact she won.  And trust me, there are many far more troubling and unhappy images of her available.

And here’s the divine Martha Stewart bringing heft and scale to the hotdog while also managing to desexualize it.  The dog is so long it’s lost all its phallic energy and symbolism.  Martha even needs some poor male minion to hold the end of it because it’s so floppy.  

That just wouldn’t happen with Snooki.

Nor even, frankly, with Betty White.

And finally a picture by my favorite photographer, Martin Parr, that effortlessly indicates that sausages in buns may not in fact be all that sexy after all.  The title of the photograph is "Waiting For Hotdogs."  They do say that the waiting is the hardest part.